


You Should Be Loving Someone

by itsgameover



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:28:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27807577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsgameover/pseuds/itsgameover
Summary: Jongdae calls Sehun a pretty boy once. Sehun never forgets about it.
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen/Oh Sehun
Comments: 31
Kudos: 81
Collections: Calm Before The Storm FicFest Round 1





	You Should Be Loving Someone

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Calm before the Storm, prompt CS054.  
> Thank you for the mods who run this fest, you are the best 🌦️  
> Thank you to my sweet little beta, you are an angel 🤗

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Sehun’s college dorm room is very neat. It’s a small space really, 50m2 max, so it’s easy to keep it clean, once a month doing a deep clean and the rest of the time just making sure the dust doesn’t settle on every surface and throwing his trash in the actual bin near the door and not the carpeted floor. 

He has a bed, headboard by the window, and the side of his desk rest against the foot of the bed. There is a 25x25cm whiteboard hanging over the desk, with important events and deadlines highlighted in green and pink sticky notes, and right above it a shelf with textbooks and unused notebooks (he might have developed somewhat of an addiction to shop for office supplies that end up in shelves and drawers). He has a microwave, a coffee maker and a mini fridge, also what should be a little fruit basket that more often than not is full of unhealthy snacks.

Opposite to the bed is a small beige sofa he found outside of a hotel once and got into his room using the back of Chanyeol’s precious Mercedes-Benz G65. Next to the couch is his wardrobe, a cheap wood piece of furniture that came with the room and one that Sehun disinfected at least three times before putting his stuff in it. Above it he puts the blankets when winter rolls around and once he hid between them a few bottles of alcohol before they got an inspection as the dorm was suspected of holding illegal parties. He also hid another one in the bathroom, behind the toilet. Afterwards, no one drank from that particular bottle of vodka.

Sehun thinks his room is nice, well lit and well decorated, a few posters on the walls and good music coming from his computer’s speakers. But he has come to think that lucking out and getting a single’s room isn’t as fun as sharing one, especially when he is treated to the absolute luxury of Jongdae’s company. 

When three knocks make themselves heard, Sehun checks the calendar over the computer’s screen, currently displaying his unfinished lectures. It's 1am on a Friday night. It can only be one person. 

Sehun pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and clears his voice, pausing the music. “If it’s Jongdae then come in.”

The door opens with a dramatic creak. Jongdae is standing in the hallway, red shirt and washed-out blue jeans, black hair ruffled and wearing the expression of a man who was peacefully sleeping and was ushered out of his bed like a criminal. 

Sehun leans back on his chair, a cheeky smile on his lips, as he sees Jongdae hug his pillow and proceed to pout, exaggeratedly so.

The first time Jongdae asked Sehun if he could sleep in his room it had been a total surprise. They were friends, that was for sure, but they weren’t really close friends. And Sehun had gaped, entirely sure that he was being asked for something more than just sleeping. Jongdae had laughed, blushing a bit as he explained that Baekhyun was “entertaining someone” in their room and he didn’t want to stay because his roomate is really fucking loud.

“Kicked out again?” Sehun asks.

“Yes,” Jongdae answers, whining as he steps into the room and collapses on Sehun’s sofa. 

“The short scary dude from Engineering again?”

Jongdae nods, “seriously, if Baekhyun wants to keep fucking that dude then good for him, but can they I dunno, rent a hotel room? Fuck in his room for once?”

Sehun laughs, Jongin had told him that Kyungsoo had a bit of a crush on Baekhyun since they met at a bar a month ago. From what Sehun heard, all from Jongdae’s lips, Baekhyun really liked the ‘don’t fuck with me’ vibe that Kyungsoo carried with him. 

“I heard he lives off campus with his family”

“Then more reasons to rent a hotel room!” Jongdae whines, burying his face on his pillow and muffling his voice with it. Still, Sehun hears clearly ‘I’m tired’ and bites his lower lip, genuinely sorry for his friend. 

“Had a rough day?” he asks, closing his laptop and turning on his seat until he is facing Jongdae.

“Super rough,” Jongdae answers, raising his head and staring at Sehun with furrowed eyebrows. “I had an exam this morning. Civil Law is hell, I’ll tell you that.”

“Aww, I thought you liked your career”

Jongdae stares at him like he is stupid and Sehun sometimes feels a little bit like that. “We all love out careers but we have that one stupid subject that we hate, irrationally or not” he then tilts his head, eyebrows raised but only in the middle. “Don’t you have one of those in your fancy Business Management major?”

“I do but…” Sehun shrugs “I don’t hate them with a passion, I just suffer them in silence”

“You are too good,” Jongdae says around a yawn, stretching his arms like a kitten “You are a good boy, Sehun, the best!”

Sehun blushes, laughing the awkwardness away. It’s not usual to be called ‘good boy’, not outside of certain situations. In fact, Sehun is pretty sure that the last person that called him a good boy was Lee Donghae, a senior student that is now a graduated lawyer, and his dick was balls deep into Sehun’s throat when he said that. First and last time Sehun fucked that dude, and first and last time he swallowed, cum is nasty. 

As it is, there is a pretty good reason for Sehun to feel warm and weird when he gets called ‘a good boy’. So avoiding further thoughts of it and standing up to pick the sleepy cat from his sofa is the only way for Sehun to proceed before he combusts, thinking of how long it has been since he has had sex. 

Jongdae tells him they will have to sleep together again (“There is only one bed, Sehunnie!” he said the first time and Sehun told him both of them are noodles, they can fit in one bed. And fit they did, Sehun waking up in between Jongdae’s arms and jumping to the bathroom before morning wood made things weird). Sehun nods, pushing the covers over his friend and turning off the lights, setting the lamp by his computer to low light before setting himself in front of the screen once more. 

It’s not the first time this has happened and Sehun firmly believes it won’t be the last. Hopes it won’t be the last, it’s nice to have Jongdae over, even if he is just sleeping. There is something comforting and sweet about hearing someone snore, just a few steps away from you, as you type away all your unfinished homework. 

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Jongdae is bisexual. 

No, it’s not  _ news _ , but Sehun has been thinking about that lately. 

Why? There is no why, it’s just… a thought.

Sehun has known the sexuality of the law student ever since they met. 

Back then Sehun was a freshman walking up to his very first college frat party. Jongdae made the second year of law look like a game, chilling at almost every single party and passing every subject with flying colors. He was kind of a law school legend at the time. 

In that particular party Sehun met Kim Jongdae… as he was furiously making out against the kitchen counter with a red haired girl. Sehun just wanted a beer and a snack, not the intro of a low budget porno. Two hours later, while he was blindly walking towards the bathroom, he saw Jongdae making out with a different person, a boy with the world’s bulkiest arms. 

Seeing the data, it didn’t take a genius to see that if a boy kisses a girl and then the same boy kisses a boy he must not be neither straight nor homosexual. Sehun knows, he is a gay as Frank Ocean (yes, Blonde is his favourite album), his radar is near godlike perfection. 

A few months later they met on Pride Day. Jongdae had the three colored stripes flag painted over his right cheekbone and a little rainbow over the left one. He told Sehun he looked good with his pride flag draped over his shoulder and Baekhyun had yelled that they were a ‘BGB’ sandwich (“It’s bi Dae, gay Hun, bi Baek!” he yelled and Jongdae’s laugh had been uproarious).

Sehun later learnt the girl’s name, Choi Sooyoung who became Sehun’s second year Statistics tutor, and a little bit later that of the boy, Kim Minseok, because just a few months ago he married Junmyeon, Jongin’s older brother. Sehun spent the entire ceremony holding back his tongue from saying something like ‘you don’t remember me but I saw you putting your tongue down my friend’s throat!’. Weird coincidences. 

Jongdae being bisexual is like a tiny little pink, purple and blue flag in the back of his mind, waving whenever he comes across Jongdae. Maybe it’s here now because Jongdae is chatting with a pretty blonde by the fountain, eating a sandwich while she drinks matcha tea. Sehun thinks she is one of Seulgi’s friends, Seulgi being Jongin’s second ex, right in between Krystal Jung and Jennie Kim, two exchange students.

Seulgi has many friends, including Joohyun, who currently wears a pink kanken backpack with not one, not two but three lesbian flag pins, hand over Seulgi’s shoulder as they walk down the cobblestone path to their next dance class. Then there is the girl that everyone loves, the one who makes people smile and sweat, because even if you are not attracted to girls you will feel nervous around Park Sooyoung. 

“Hey!” Jongdae says, after he has parted ways with the pretty blonde. 

“Hi” Sehun answers, because he is a normal functional human who can engage in casual conversation. 

Jongdae stares at him in a funny way, “What are you doing here, Sehunnie?” 

“Nothing much, just…” he shrugs, unsure of what the hell was he doing. Oh, wait! Right! “I was walking back to my room after class. What about you?”

“I was talking with a classmate, needed some notes,” Jongdae smiles, shrugging nonchalantly. “She’s Seungwan, remember her? From Chanyeol’s birthday party.”

Sehun nods, still not making a connection but pretending like he did. 

“Hey, Sehun?” Jongdae says, voice tone suddenly changing “Baek is bringing his boy tonight and, well, I don’t want to be too annoying. I was there last friday, it’s barely wednesday and you already are way too accommodating of me...”

“You can stay, Dae” Sehun answers, he has an essay to finish but he can make room for Jongdae. It’s nice to have a friend over. 

“Great then, I’ll go pick up my stuff and be there in an hour, it’s that ok?” Upon Sehun’s nod, Jongdae’s smile widens “Ok, I’ll take pizza and my laptop. I have shit to read. See you later, Hunnie!”

Jongdae shoulders his backpack and starts to walk away as Sehun does, suddenly having a purpose rather than stare at normal people talking in the campus. 

The last person that called him ‘Hunnie’ was Huang Zitao, tall and smiling like a lazy cat Zitao. 

The chinese boy used to attend the same church Sehun’s family did. Zitao was nice to Sehun, one of the first real friends he ever had, but he wasn’t gay. So, when Sehun kissed him after a service, Zitao’s eyes had widened and he apologized profusely for misleading Sehun. 

He never saw him again, probably changed to another church after that. Still, Sehun never forgot the kindness. He didn’t tell him mean things about his inclination, he had rather apologized for something that wasn’t even his fault, as if Sehun could have avoided falling in love with his Cheshire smile. 

There is something very calico about Jongdae too, like the corners of his mouth flicking upwards even when his expression is entirely neutral. It’s not Zitao, for his chinese love-affair-that-never-was had a big height advantage over his college pal, but it’s nice, like a cute reminder how nice cats are and how nice are people who like cats and smile like a cat. 

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

At 11pm, Sehun finds out his morning class is cancelled.

“That’s good news!” Jongdae chimes, perched the arm of Sehun’s couch, procedural book in hand “We can stay up and do shit!”

“Like what?” Sehun asks, closing his email because he can bear any other news about studying for shit then getting classes cancelled right now. 

“I don’t know, eat sushi? Sneak beer to the room and get drunk until someone passes out slash tries to kiss the other?” 

Jongdae sighs, sitting cross legged on the sofa and putting on a Winnie the Pooh ‘I’m thinking’ expression. Sehun loses his breath for a second. Getting drunk and trying to kiss Jongdae seems like something beautiful and scary because God forbid he loses a friend as good as Jongdae.

“We already ate dinner though,”

“Fair enough, so getting smashed is it?”

“Sounds fine,”

They get beers from the all-women dorm, behind the Natural Science building, the one that you can’t sneak into unless you want to be bullied to death but if you tip the Resident Assistant of the 3rd floor she will walk down with a few bottles and even a bit of weed if you ask her nicely. Jongdae tells Sehun they don’t need the weed, but Sehun grabs it anyway, Seohyun winking at him as if he didn’t know she is as straight as the ocean waves. 

After reaching the dorm again, running from one of those pesky campus policemen, Sehun closes the door and watches as Jongdae washes his hands and sits on the floor, back against Sehun’s bed, smiling contentedly as he unwraps the last of the chips left over from Jongdae’s snack dump earlier.

Sehun takes a seat by his side and breathes in and out, making Jongdae glance at him with a strange expression, a smile reaching all the way to his deep black eyes. A moment later, as he grabs the bottle of cold beer, Sehun understands that he may get drunk with a man he finds incredibly appealing, attractive, charming, adorable…

It reminds him of getting drunk when he was young, back in Johnny’s house, three streets away from his high school. Johnny, who had an older brother named Yunho. Yunho who was so wise, so kind, so good. And Sehun at 18 years old wanted to hear anything and everything about this man, anything he wanted to say. And it was so nice to just sit in his big bed, to let someone kiss him and explore his body like no one else had done before. They never fucked, Yunho saying Sehun was still too young. 

“Mentally,” he said, kissing his temple, “go to college, live, then we’ll talk.”

They never talked again, Johnny moving to the United States and Yunho marrying a girl when Sehun was half-way through first year of college. He wondered if in some other universe Yunho was his first time, for real, but then found out that firsts don’t matter if it’s just a one-timer. 

Jongdae smells like cheap beer and weed by the time Sehun finishes his third beer. He used to hate the smell of weed, until Chanyeol offered some in second year and Sehun kind of got used to that scent, calling it familiar until Joohyun pointed out that none of them know how to properly hide it but she, being the benevolent lesbian goddess that she usual is, blessed them with her knowledge (Febreeze and incense). 

“Remember Seungwan?” Jongdae asks, head resting on Sehun’s bed, legs spread and touching the sofa on the other side of the small room. Sehun nods. “Well, she kind of invited me over tonight…”

“Did she?” Sehun asks, feeling something that he won’t call a pang of jealousy because he has no reason to be jealous at all. 

“Yeah, she said the RA of her floor is super chill and as long as you swear you are using protection she doesn’t care about male visits”

“Ah,” Sehun stares mindlessly at the wall, pondering if he should make the question that is flooding his mind. He inhales, exhales, and asks “Why didn’t you go?”

“I don’t know,” Jongdae sighs like he is tired, closing his eyes and putting a hand over Sehun’s knee. “A year ago I would have jumped to the opportunity of getting laid with a girl like her. Like, she is pretty, she is witty and she is bi too.”

Sehun knows that is the truth. Jongdae used to sleep around a lot, every person Sehun met somehow knew him. But no one ever said Jongdae was an asshole, just someone not interested in commitment for now, like most college dwellers with a degree in the making but also basic needs like food, water and a good fuck to let off some steam. 

“I keep telling myself I didn’t go because a part of me wants something serious” the elder says, almost a whisper in the room lit with too bright white lights. “And I meant, it’s true but… I don’t think I want something serious with her.”

“Why not?” Sehun’s mouth speaks disconnected from his brain. 

“I…” Jongdae trails off, the hand resting on Sehun’s knee opening and closing over the fabric of his sweatpants. It makes Sehun feel anxious and warm. They remain in silence for a moment that feels eternal, the clicking noise of a branch hitting his window keeping them company. “Do you know Taeil?” Jongdae asks. 

“Moon Taeil? Yeah, we met at Seulgi’s birthday party.”

Jongdae nods, pensively, “You left early that night. I was chatting in a group with other dudes and he called dibs on you.”

Sehun barely remembers Moon Taeil as anything other than a guy with pretty eyes and a charming smile, who didn’t like to drink. He doesn’t think he has seen much of the other man ever since that party, yet he spoke to him a week ago and Taeil seemed weirdly flirty. Or perhaps he was flirty before but Sehun didn’t notice. He spent most of Seulgi’s birthday playing games by his friends side, by Jongdae’s side mostly. 

“Tell me why did I feel angry when he said that?”

The confession comes with furrowed eyebrows and closed eyes, with perfect cheshire pursed and hands fisting whatever they touch. One of his hands is still on Sehun’s leg, grabbing the fabric like life depends on it. Sehun feels like dying. 

“I don’t know…” he mutters, afraid of speaking too loud “maybe because you care about me?”

“Of course I care about you” Jongdae says, exasperated, sitting up straight, legs crossed and head on his hands “but it’s not that. Like, by the time Joohyun said she wanted to date Seulgi I had known Seulgi for decades. Seulgi was my mom’s piano student, she went to every single one of my birthdays since she was born, met all of my boyfriends and girlfriends, yet I didn’t feel angry when Joohyun said she would be her girl.” He sighs deeply, opens his eyes and stares at his hands for a second. “I’m sorry, I’m probably making no sense, it’s probably the alcohol and the weed and...”

Jongdae turns then, his eyebrows quipped up only in the middle, and it would be awful to call someone gorgeous when they look so distressed but Sehun can’t find any other word to refer to such a sight. 

“God, Sehun you are such a pretty boy,” Jongdae whispers, grabbing Sehun’s face with a warm hand, fingertips starting a fire where they land. 

“Ah… I… thank you” Sehun stutters to answer, the words knock the breath out of him. 

He smiles, deep black eyes displaying such earnest emotion. “You are welcome,” he whispers, but moves not one inch closer to Sehun. There is something else here, in the words that have been said and those that remain unspoken, saved like a precious treasure that must not be tainted by the world. Or like horrors that should never see the light of day.

Yet something cracks, something breaks the crystal clear world around their hunched shoulders and blazing hearts. Jongdae lets go of him, leaning back before speaking again.

“I should get going before I do something dumb, sleep well, okay? Take care.”

And then Sehun watches as Jongdae stands up, picks his discarded backpack and the package of chewing gum he had left over the desk, and walks away like a hazy daydream, slipping through Sehun’s fingertips. 

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Sehun prides himself on having an excellent memory. He can store everything from useful college information, schedules, professor’s office hours, important campus locations, to things that are basically useless data like quotes from his favourite tv shows, character names, what was the name of the tavern they went to in their last D&D campaign, the story of a random boat that sank in the pacific seventy four years ago. 

And of course that excellent memory is a blessing, but it can be a bit of a curse. 

Jongdae calls Sehun a pretty boy once, intoxicated but honest, earnest. Sehun never forgets about it. Even when he is busy with exams and deadlines, even when he barely sees Jongdae for a week and a half, he just doesn’t forget. He sees his face when he goes to sleep and hears the same two words.  _ Pretty boy _ . 

And when he looks at Jongdae across the table of the pub their friends have decided to go, warm friday night right before classes end and everyone goes home to their families, Sehun blushes unconsciously. He says it’s the heat, the place is packed and the temperature is quickly rising so he gets away with it. Well, he would get away with it if Jongdae didn’t stare at him like he knew exactly what he thought, what he felt. 

Did he mean to call him a pretty boy like that? Did he meant for it to be such a statement that would shatter Sehun to pieces and make him think that he would love to have kissed Jongdae that night, to let himself be broken by the seams and stitched back together by those pretty hands, short stubby but so delicate fingers? 

It makes him wonder if it’s the beer or the heat or the emotions overflowing their friendship what tints the tip of Jongdae’s ears in red. The warm yellow light hides most of the shame, of the embarrassment of being seen as someone with emotions that don’t fit in the mold of what people know you to be. 

You are friends, you feel nothing but filial love. 

But perhaps Sehun doesn’t feel that, and maybe Jongdae doesn’t feel that either. 

They stay a little bit longer than the rest, Baekhyun making it obvious that he is taking Kyungsoo back to his place. And Sehun knows perfectly that Jongdae won’t go back to his shared dorm and he is scared. 

Under the lamp light of the street corner, bright and yellow, illuminating the world in a shade a little bit too warm to belong to a street light, Sehun pockets his hands on his jeans, comfy and worn out but still his favourites, with a little pride flag embroidered by his mom. He is walking with Jongdae, the other man with his arms resting idly by his sides, profile portrait perfect, high nose and beautiful cheekbones, hair swept up and tiny silver hoops on his ears. 

“I saw Seungwan earlier,” Sehun says as they walk through the college campus, several groups of people walking around, moving from one pub to the other or planning midnight picnics in the soft and green grass. Jongdae hums. “Are you… going to her dorm?”

“Nope,” Jongdae says, a wicked smile on his lips, “why do you think I would?”

Sehun stammers, almost tripping as he walks past a group of loud boys with bottles of vodka in their hands. “Baekhyun and Kyungsoo left together,” he states, nothing but a declaration of facts, “so you won’t be able to sleep in your room.”

“Actually I will sleep in my comfy comfy bed,” Jongdae assures, triumphantly crossing his arms over his lean torso, looking at Sehun as he says “Kyungsoo took Baekhyun to his home. Apparently his parents are off on a mini-holiday or something.” 

“Oh,” Sehun says, nothing more can be said really.

Jongdae will be alone in his room, able to sleep peacefully, not having to share his privacy with anyone else. It’s good to be in your own bed, with your own comfort, with your own things. It’s good… so why is Sehun so sad about a friday night without Jongdae? 

“I’ll see you around,” he says as they reach the front door of his dorm building. 

“Don’t you want to come?” Jongdae asks, eyebrows quipped up in the middle, smile unfaltering but hesitant. 

“Do you want me to come?” Sehun asks.

“I have grown attached to waking up every saturday morning with you on the other side of a way too small bed,” he says, lowering his eyes, kicking a pebble with the tip of his blue sneakers. When he raises his eyes his smile is so bright. “I have a spare bed but you’ll have to bring clothes of your own. I don’t think that Baek’s tank tops will be long enough for you.”

“Ok,” Sehun says, breathless because did Jongdae just admit he feels something? Is this how law students express emotions, hesitant to say something that would get them cornered in court? It’s silly but so… endearing. “I’ll get some clothes then.”

“Wait!” Jongdae says and when Sehun turns around the elder grabs his hands and pulls, putting them to the same level and smacking their lips together for a brief moment. He lets go a second later, smiling like a cat who got the cream. “Now go get your things, I’ll wait here.”

“Ok,” Sehun answers and for the first time in years he runs upstairs, grabbing a random shirt and an unused pair of jeans in record time before sprinting back down. 

Jongdae takes his hand as they walk, the silence as a charming companion rather than an uncomfortable stranger, pretending they are not blushing or smiling like children in a candy store. 

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

  
  



End file.
